When Breastfeeding Sucks

This is a little bit of a difficult post because as a lactation counselor, I feel as if I should not be in this situation.  I should be a pro-nurser at this point.  I nursed two other children into toddlerhood with relatively few problems.

This story, however, begins with Lila.  We had a latch problem for three or four days after she was born.  Before I even left the hospital, however, I had contacted an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Counselor) and she paid a visit to my home just after I arrived home from the hospital.  The latch was corrected that day. Lila was, interestingly, a projectile puker and had explosive bowel movements.  She also gained weight at a rapid rate for the first several weeks.  All signs pointed to an over-supply of milk (I didn't know this at the time).  Over-supply gets worse with each subsequent child.  So....flash forward five years and here I am.

I have an over-supply.  I suspected it in the beginning and suspected that Colden thought he may drown in milk when, at nine-days-old, he started clicking. Which was, essentially, his way of sliding off the latch and pinching down on the nipple to slow the flow.  This is not comfortable. I block nursed (nursed on one side for two-three feedings in a row-which helps reduce the amount of milk, speed of flow, etc) and nursed him upright.  It didn't seem to work. I would often find him gagging at the breast. Further, an hour or two after I fed him, he would again gag and milk would come out his nose, resulting in crying.   He recently stopped spraying milk out his nose and also stopped gagging as much.  I spent one day several weeks ago pulling him off the latch every single time he clicked. It didn't work but I assumed he would grow out of it. I tried to relax and accept the journey we were on together.

Then, it looked like we had thrush. Probably brought on by cracked nipples in the first few days of nursing (that is better and has been for weeks). So, we treated that and I think it is better - but the discomfort continued. The latch has not improved much.

My midwife thought maybe he had high muscle tone.  My college advisers (Remember, I'm going to school for lactation counseling) thought maybe he needed a speech consult.  A La Leche Leader, who is also an MD, took one look at him, heard his happy noises at the breast, his full cheeks and decided he would probably grow out of it but, nonetheless, gave me some facial massages to try out that would encourage better sucking/tongue thrust. Lots of advice!

Which brings us to yesterday.  I drove an hour away to see an IBCLC to access his latch (I'd been putting off this visit due to the long drive and girls school schedules) and to see if he needed a speech consult. IBCLCs are experts in the field and Donna has been at it a great many years and came highly recommended.  She told me what I suspected was most likely true.  I have an over-supply and while it may be a bit better, he's still scared he's going to drown.  She wants me to block nurse again, pull him much much tighter into the breast than I was, and spend, what she thinks will be, two-three days fixing the latch.  Getting him deeper on the latch and by block nursing, slowing the flow.  Every time I feel pain, pull him off and relatch him. Hard work.

So, yesterday afternoon I began.  I have my work cut out for me.  He's been doing this for so long, I suspect it will take the full three days or longer.  He's very stubborn and very happy to be doing what he's been doing. Today, in frustration and pressed for time (the girls had to get ready for school), I gave up earlier than I usually would have. I pulled him off and he just looked at me, smiled and began to coo and look at his hands. Little snot! He's such a smart little guy but can't nurse properly. I feel incompetent because I feel as if I should KNOW what to do.  I've nursed successfully before, have training behind me and I still can't get him latched on properly.  He'll be nine-weeks tomorrow.  According to breastfeeding experts, if a latch isn't fixed by three-four months, that's the latch you'll have the entire time you nurse. Ouch!!   

This does not mean I'll give up nursing or start pumping and give him a bottle.  It is what it is and I have good support and tools to move forward and work on this, thankfully.  I'm cautiously optimistic - but, boy oh boy, do I miss the comfortable nursing days of past and look forward to enjoying that time with my little man!  I will conquer this!!

Heavy Wetter

A while back I blogged about my newborn cloth diaper stash. I raved about Kissaluvs.  They were the perfect newborn cloth diaper for my newborn daughters.  My husband and I loved them. We decided to purchase them for Colden.

Unfortunately, Colden is what cloth diapering parents call "a heavy wetter."  All he has to do is pee once and he's soaked right through these.  I don't remember this being a problem with the girls.  I sold them this week, sadly, as they still fit him nicely and I do love the fit.  They did work well the first month - so all was not lost on them! Now that he's a bit older, they weren't cutting it, however.

We're still big fans of prefold diapers.  They are probably my favorites because they absorb so well and are 100% cotton which is soft and washes easily.  I ordered some flat cloth diapers for our trip back to the States next month. They wash very easily and dry very quickly. They also pack light and one size fits through toddlerhood.  They take a bit more time to fold but I'm sure I'll get the hang of them quickly. I hear great things about them. I'll keep you posted.

There are a couple of other diapers I like a lot and some I'm waiting for him to grow into to try out.  So, I'll update in the near future as to what diapers we're using from three months and up.

Wear Him! That'll Shut Him Up!

Baby-wearing at a German Festival

Soon after Olivia was born, I began baby-wearing. There are many benefits to baby-wearing (for parent and baby/toddler) that appealed to me. Hands free to do some laundry, walk the dog (when we had one), clean, eat, run after older siblings, keep the baby upright to help with mild reflux, and give my baby some "tummy time" (baby-wearing can be substituted for tummy time), to name a few.  I continue to learn about the benefits of baby-wearing all the time.  

Shortly after Olivia was born, I started baby-wearing with a ring sling.  Eventually, the sling started to bother my shoulders.  So, my friend, Jae Rin, introduced me to the Ergo Baby Carrier. I wore Olivia in the Ergo often until very late in my pregnancy with Lila.  However, I didn't really get into baby-wearing until Lila was born.  I wore Lila so often, the Ergo was soon dubbed Lila's "second womb."  I still remember a time when Lila was three.  We were walking past the T-Rex Restaurant at a shopping plaza Kansas.  Lila, frightened of the dinosaurs, started screaming in fright and yelled to Matt (who had the Ergo wrapped around his waist), "Get me in! Get me in! Get me in!" Matt promptly lifted her up and into the Ergo, her little legs kicking as he did so, as if to help propel herself up and in faster. If someone would use the Ergo to see if she and her child liked it, Lila would scream, "My Ergo. My Ergo!" Nontheless, she was "worn" (carried) in the Ergo until she was nearly four-and-a-half!

Matt and I have traveled all over Europe stroller-free.  We threw the girls on our backs and explored ancient ruins, castles, beaches, and more while our children enjoyed the warmth and comfort of being carried on our backs'.  We have a jogging stroller and umbrella stroller that we have yet to use since Colden's arrival.

Didymos Wrap

This time around, during the newborn phase, I have used the Moby Wrap and a Didymos woven wrap.  I enjoyed the Moby, however, it's a little too stretchy for my liking and a bit too warm.  I was sweating my butt off every time I wrapped Colden.  So, I recently took a trip to the original Didymos store with my mother and bought the above wrap.  It is a cotton woven wrap.  I LOVE it.  It's so much cooler and I get a tighter fit. As he gets older, I will be able to wrap him many different ways. Now that I'm getting the hang of wraps, I want more!  I'd love a wrap from Ellevill.  I want a solid color wrap next or a fabric that looks like a really nice top.  A wrap that would look good on me when I'm a bit more dressed up than in jeans (or sweatpants) and t-shirt of late. Certain wraps can make you look so stylish - no need for buying lots of clothes post-partum (Especially when you're trying to lose that baby weight) clothes when you have a really pretty wrap and are wearing your baby a few (to several) hours a day as I've been doing.

Colden really enjoys being worn.  I have a saying now, "Wear him! That'll shut him up!"

When he's cranky and tired or we're running errands, I wrap him.  He usually falls promptly asleep. He's getting so used to being worn that as I'm putting him in it, if he's been crying, he'll begin to stop as soon as he senses he's getting put into the wrap.

I love it too. Sometimes he'll be in the swing and I'll start to miss him.  Or, I'll feel suddenly that I haven't given him enough attention and feel the need to have him close to me. It's great for walking the girls to school or running errands with them around town.  He stays warm against me and because he's so close to me, I don't have strangers or the girls' classmates touching him.

Even Matt wears the baby (In the Ergo-which Colden doesn't really fit into yet because I don't have the newborn pillow insert.  Froggy legged, however, he can spend a small amount of time in there).  He recently wore Colden while brewing a batch of beer.  Teaching him young...

Like Matt, I am a soft structured carrier fan (Ergo is soft structured).  As Colden gets older, the Ergo will be my first choice when I have to very quickly run into a store, especially in the winter, and don't want to take the time to tie the wrap (It takes a good two minutes for me. I can throw a baby in the Ergo in 30-seconds or less). However, there are a couple of other soft structured carriers I'm interested in.  A Beco and a Kindercarry. 

While each of the carriers I've written about are fantastic, they can add up to big bucks.  So, as much as I've wanted to dive in and buy more wraps and soft structured carriers, I've refrained.  For now.  I am so addicted to baby-wearing, I'm sure the Ergo, Moby and Didymos are not the last baby-wearing devices to enter into my (our) collection...

Taggie Tales

Currently Underwhelmed by Tag Blanket

I don't really remember exactly when or how the tale of the Taggie began.  I believe I was looking for something Olivia could use to sooth herself back to sleep instead of waking me up in the middle of every night.  Our pediatrician suggested a soft stuffed toy or blanket.  She explained that if I nursed Olivia with that "lovey," she may associate it with something that is soothing and learn to use it to fall asleep at night, instead of crying for me to nurse her.  Or, at least reduce the amount of times she was up asking for me (Which wasn't very often - maybe twice a night - but, I was young and thought twice was too often). She explained that it would take a while to "work" but that it could certainly help.  

Olivia is thrilled Colden now has a tag blanket - she's still obsessed with hers. 

Colden, "What the heck is the big deal? I don't care!!!! Waaa"

My friend, Joy, many months earlier, when I was pregnant with Olivia, told me a story of how her daughter had a small blanket called a Taggie.  She explained that her daughter loved Taggie.  Even though she had bought her other Taggies, she only wanted her original one, despite it becoming shabby looking over time.

So, at a craft bazaar a couple months before I delivered Olivia, Matt and I bought a hand-made replica of the so-called Taggie.   When our pediatrician suggested nursing with something she could grow attached to, I held it each time I fed Olivia. Soon, she had that thing in her hand as often as a kid addicted to a pacifier!  We flew home in December of 2005 and lost it on a plane.  I remember running to our next flight and having the stewardess call to our previous plane, the one we were on just a few minutes before, and it was already gone.  Cleaning crew threw it out (Why would anyone throw out something that is obviously a child's lovey? Why don't people think?).  I was devastated. How would she sleep without it?  And, that poor child, not quite yet a year, knew it was gone.   I quickly found a store that carried Taggie and bought Taggie #2 (it looked very similar to her knock-off Taggie).   I loved that thing. It worked wonders.  It was a band-aid, it helped her sleep, heck, she probably considered it a friend.

When I was pregnant with Lila, I bought two for her - and had her name embroidered on them (We call the second one, "back-up Taggie.").  She has yet to lose either of hers.  She is a bit less enamored than Olivia is - but still sleeps with hers every night - almost every night since birth.

Olivia, however, lost Taggie #2 in a German Home Depot last year.  It was tragic.  Given that she was five and a half at the time, Matt suggested we just wean her from it.  I couldn't handle that.  I was a wreck. I lost sleep.  She was a hysterical. She cried every day until Taggie #3 came in the mail. Identical, yet cleaner, than Taggie #2.  She had me washing Taggie #3 as often as possible for weeks (She wanted it to look beat up like Taggie #2 as soon as possible).  At first, because she complained that it didn't smell like Taggie #2, I thought she would wean from Taggie.  I was wrong.  It wasn't too long before she was grabbing for Taggie and putting it up to her face when she was tired. Often, I will walk into her room when she's sleeping and there is Taggie, either in her hand or tucked up under nose.

Both girls have traveled all over the world with their Taggies.  If I were to go through pictures, we  probably have pictures of the girls' with their Taggies in several states and several countries.

Of course Colden had to have some sort of tag blanket!!  I've become an Etsy addict and as soon as he was born, I found a seller and purchased the one you see above (it's twice the size as the girls when it's unfolded. I didn't pay attention to the dimensions when I placed the order.  But, that's ok), along with a bigger, matching blanket.  I had his name embroidered on both in bright orange letters.  He has quite an unusual name, therefore, they are sure not to be stolen (right?).  Though, I wouldn't put it past some idiot to find it somewhere (while we are frantically looking), think it's "trash" and throw it out. But, we won't let his tag blanket leave the house now will we.....

Weighter Things

Colden is just about one-month-old.  During the first two weeks after his birth, the weight fell off. Up to a pound a day. I was ecstatic. I thought, "Wow, I'll be down to my pre-pregnancy size in no time. This is going to be easy."

I was even able to squeeze my engagement ring and wedding ring on (Matt and I have an agreement that he would never ever pay to re-size my rings unless I got back down to pre-pregnancy weight and the rings still wouldn't fit), though I'm only comfortable wearing my wedding band at this time. 

Then, it stopped. As in, I haven't lost an ounce in two weeks.  It's over. I will not lose any more weight without trying hard.  From past experience, I know that my body likes to hang onto weight while I'm breastfeeding (This is atypical, by the way).  I intend to breastfeed for at least two years.  There were times when I was nursing Lila that I worked out hard, watched what I ate and it still didn't come off.  When she weaned, however, the remaining weight fell off in just a few months. Like magic.  Well, I'll admit I had finally purged processed food and was doing a lot of weight training to heal a knee injury - but, I wasn't working my butt off, that's for sure.

While I didn't suffer any birth injuries, my pelvic floor is still too weak to be doing any real exercising.  That will have to wait a couple more weeks.  I stare in the mirror at my double chin and just want to cry. Why oh why can't I be like so many of my friends who just drop the weight like magic after birth? Why not me?  I have nothing to wear, yet I refuse to buy new clothes. Refuse.  Maternity jeans and shirts I wore when I was last nursing will have to suffice for now.

I may have to take drastic measures.  I may, next week, cut out grains and sugar for two weeks. I've done it in the past and dropped seven pounds in one week. My body despises grains and sugar and loves protein.  I know what I have to do and before deep winter sets in and I find myself depressed from lack of sun and wanting to drown myself in comfort food, I better get started.  I've been having a meniere's flare up anyway, off and on for weeks, so it's a good time (getting rid of grains and sugar has helped the meniere's in the past).

I know it's only been four-weeks since Colden's birth and you may read this and think, "What? Relax, be patient."

However, I haven't lost anything in two weeks.  Don't tell me I look great or make excuses for me. It's time.  The "I just had a baby" excuse is rapidly coming to an end, I'm afraid...

Sibling Love, Let-Down, and Rash

The Siblings

Colden is just over two-weeks-old.  Olivia is completely enamored by her brother.  She's been obsessed with babies (dolls) since she was about 15-months-old.  So, this didn't come as a complete surprise. She expects him to join Lila and her as they are read to every night and gets up and comes right into our bedroom in the morning to see him.  She's always a little annoyed if he's nursing and she can't hold him right away.  Lila is a bit less enamored, possibly now well aware that she is no longer the baby.  Both girls have been acting out a bit more than usual - but, this is to be expected.

I'm happy to be raising my children to view natural childbirth, baby-wearing and breastfeeding as normal.  I see them play those things out when they play dolls together.  Colden is a loud nurser.  I have a forceful let-down and a bit of an over-supply of milk.  Despite nursing him in an upright position and block nursing to help lessen these issues, he still clicks loudly at the breast from time to time to help control the amount that he takes in.  Sometimes I take him off and start again and other times I'll let it go.  Olivia, however, is starting to understand the importance of a good latch (even though he's clicking, his latch is not terrible and I am no longer sore) and will ask, "Hey mom, does he have a good latch right now?" She will never know a different infant feeding method and is already getting to know the terms and know-how of breastfeeding.

Liv is in love with this little guy

I was dismayed, early last week, when I noticed that Colden had developed a bit of a rash on his bottom.  He had been in cloth diapers almost solely since birth, only being in a sposie twice as we waited for cloth diapers to dry.  I thought for sure the cloth diapers were giving him a rash.  I bought some great Welda diaper rash cream (the German formula is different than the US formula, I discovered, so I won't provide a link here) and put him in sposies for a couple of days (I had forgotten to buy rice liners for our cloth diapers which are needed if you use rash cream.  Thick rash creams do not wash out of cloth diapers well and cause build-up and repelling issues).  The rash mostly cleared up and I put him back in cloth and, to my delight, just using coconut oil cleared up the rest.  I did order a rash stick that is cloth-diaper friendly, some rice liners and fleece liners (Fleece is used to wick away moisture-great for young babies, not so great when toilet training) just in case the issue pops up again.  I also added an extra rinse to our cloth diaper wash (cloth diapers not thoroughly rinsed of detergent can cause rash).

Colden sleeps for about three hour stretches at night.  Last night he slept for four hours, ate, and slept nearly four hours again.  So, he was only up once.  Score!! Though, I still woke up exhausted and I can only contribute this to a meneire's disease flare up.  I'm trying not to let it get me down. Usually, I can figure out what contributed to a flare-up. Stress, exhaustion, illness, weather.  I think this could be contributed to the fluid changes that happen to the body in the post-partum phase.  I'm trying to stay positive and ignore it.  Not so easy when you notice hearing loss and a constant roaring noise. But, I will prevail! There is too much joy in my life right now to let much of anything bring me down.

At the end of the week, we welcome my parents!!  The girls are so excited and it'll be nice to have a bit more help as Matt goes back to work tomorrow.

Don't Pinch Me

Perfection

Colden is nearly two weeks now.  I wake up every day in a dream-like state.  I have two beautiful daughters and a healthy newborn son.  Our family is complete (The feelings that come along with that knowledge warrant a separate blog post).  My husband has been a wonderful help around the house and with the girls.  He has spent his paternity leave catering to all of our needs and really hasn't had much chance to have time to himself. Friends have delivered food.  Colden has only had one day of crankiness.  He nurses 2-3 times a night and does so fairly quickly (He seems to understand that mommy likes efficiency!).  My parents are coming in less than two weeks.  In case this is a dream, don't pinch me! I don't want to wake up!

Ok. I confess. We did have serious issues with his latch.  Certified Lactation Counselors are not exempt from latch issues.  I wish we were.  Even though he nursed perfectly during the first hour after birth, I could not duplicate that latch.  I was sore and torn up for days.  I'm still a tad sore - but, over the hump and healing nicely.  He's still clicking a bit - but knows to open his mouth wide for me and, therefore, we're on the road to nursing perfection (Nursing perfection has a different feel for every mama, I must add). 

I also should confess that several days before Colden was born, I found out I was Group Strep B positive (GBS).  I dragged my butt deciding how or if to treat it during labor.  My options were as follows:

• Bail on the home birth and have a hospital birth with IV antibiotics upon arrival at hospital and every few hours thereafter until baby is born. This would have been the recommendation of most OBs in the US.
• Less effective - Birth at home and take oral antibiotics at beginning of labor and every few hours thereafter. I must be in labor for eight hours for them to be effective at all.  Birth at home.
• Birth at home and treat Colden with an injection of penicillin shortly after birth.  This would require a visit to a peds clinic.
• Do nothing at all.

After a long discussion with my midwife, I discovered the actual risk of serious illness and death is very small.  As a general rule, German OBs and midwives do not even test for it.  This is a huge cultural difference as we always test in the US (Many home birthing midwives aside).  My midwife could not tell me what to do.  All she could do was tell me that most of her patients do not treat GBS and she's never had an issue. She recommended I speak to a German pediatrician whom many of her patients see.  He would reassure me that it was okay not treat.  I went into labor over a week early, before I had a chance to talk to him.  In the midst of labor and all that happened, I forgot about GBS.  Colden was born in his amniotic sac and, therefore, protected from GBS.  The GBS in the water, after his sac had been broken, was very diluted.  We checked for signs of fever/infection for several days.  After three days, Karin told us he was out of serious danger.  He is now past any danger at all.

Colden also had a bit of jaundice.  Again, he recovered nicely and my midwife walked us through what to watch for and we were never worried.  We just took him outside in indirect sunlight and I made sure he nursed often.

He passed his PKU and hearing test.  We did not give him a Hepatitis B vaccine (Yet-we will when he's a bit older). We also did not use any drops/salve in his eyes after birth.  We are using vitamin K drops daily for three months instead of the normal shot given at birth. He lost 3% of weight after birth and is already back up to his birth weight.  We've only had to take him to the peds clinic on post once and that was only to get him into the military health care system so we could fill out paperwork needed for our upcoming move this winter.  My midwife is a Tricare approved provider and comes every day after birth to check on mom and baby for 7-10 days and then once a week thereafter for several weeks.  These visits include weight checks.  I find it funny that when the peds clinic called me to schedule a 2-week weight check appointment, and I told them I was getting it done at home with my midwife, the nurse said, "I'll put down in your chart that you rejected the two-week well-baby appointment."  No, I did not. I just got it done by another provider.  However, home birth is something I started up here for the American community.  It's very new to the providers on post and there is bound to be a learning curve all across the board. 

People ask how he's been sleeping. He's been sleeping fairly well.  Long stretches at night (Thank you, Matt, for passing along great sleep genes).  He is a bit of a mama's boy.  Sometimes, it is only I who can sooth him.  As soon as he's placed in my arms, he quiet downs.  I love that.  I know, eventually, my little boy may not like my hugs and kisses quite so much.  So, I shower him with them as often as I can!  He's very content in my Moby wrap and often sleeps for a few hours at a time in it. 

So far, life with a newborn has been easy peasy.  That being said, I must also confess that I'm a baby-mama. I love babies.  They do not really stress me out.  Not even the fatigue that comes along with it.  I disagree with toddlers and first graders.  That's why I keep another blog just for that purpose (I'm aware it is in need of an update)....

Colden's Birth Story

The Family

Colden Jack McQuilton arrived late in the afternoon on September 22, 2011 at our home in Germany, in the water. We have spent a lot of time in the past 24-hours snuggling the heck out of our new little guy. We adore him!

Big Sisters with Little Brother

 I know many of you are anxious to hear his birth story. Since we did not video tape his birth as we did Lila's birth, I thought it best that I write it all down before I forget.

My Children with Karin (Midwife)

 Tuesday, September 21-22 - Early Labor

On Tuesday afternoon, Karin came for an acupuncture session.  She had started doing acupuncture two weeks prior.  It is believed that the acupuncture gets the energy flowing for birth, unblocking anything that may hinder a smooth labor and delivery. She added in pinky toe acupuncture to help soften the pelvic floor and dilate my cervix.

Earlier in the day I had noticed that the mild braxton hicks I had been getting for quite some time were changing. They were different - a bit more intense but not deep.  I knew things were changing - but, I knew that things could change for days or even a couple of weeks. At dinner time, several hours after acupuncture, I noticed some discharge that often comes shortly before the onset of labor. Usually less than a week before.  I updated Karin and went to bed.  Throughout the night, I had several mild contractions and lots more discharge.

I updated Karin again in the morning.  She came that afternoon to check me. I was 3+cm dilated. She thought I would have the baby that night and had Matt and I send the girls off to stay with friends.  She got the birthing pool set up in our bedroom and went home, asking us to call her when contractions got close together.  I went to bed that night and while I was woken up with mild contractions every 20-30 minutes, nothing eventful happened.

Stats/Health Check

 Thursday, September 22 - Active Labor - Delivery

Stats

I again updated Karin in the morning.  She came right away to check me.  Since I had had contractions during the night and because I was 3cm dilated the day before, she had to see if I had dilated further before she let Matt go to work.  While she checked me and used a fetal monitor to check on the baby and measure my contractions (She did this for 20-minutes, printed it out and explained that the baby was tolerating all the contractions well), Matt dropped the girls off at school.  When he arrived back home, she told him that he could not go to work as I was 6cm dilated and in active labor - even though I didn't feel much of anything - except tired and tad bit uncomfortable.  She drove off to check on a patient and came back an hour later.  She brought all her supplies into the house and asked Matt to bring the kids to a friend's house when they got home from school - the baby was sure to come at any moment.  Matt and I were both in denial.  I could understand, to some degree, that I was in active labor.  However, I worked so hard in both previous labors to get to 6cm dilated that I could not understand what was going on - but, was relieved that I hadn't had to work very hard to get to 6cm. By this point,  I was no longer having any contractions.  I did not comprehend how she could be setting up her things and felt bad when she said she could not leave the house until the baby was born.  What was she going to do about my stalled contractions?

Nina and Her Husband - Took the Girls to the Movies During My Labor

Soon, she had me walking up and down the stairs (While Matt brought the girls back to our friends' house).  For a while, that did nothing and I became frustrated, hot and very tired.  Then, she had me take some homeopathic remedies and rubbed an oil on my stomach.  She also let me rest. Then, she had me sit on a ball and rotate my hips - this would cause the baby's head to hit near the cervix and cause a contraction.  The contractions weren't too bad and after several, she checked me.  I was still a six but she could easily stretch me to an eight.  She then had Matt fill the birthing tub - I silently laughed to myself. I just couldn't imagine I could be delivering any time soon without consistent, strong contractions. I was mistaken!  She had me get in the tub, left Matt and I alone for a while to do some nipple stimulation (hey, it helps build up natural oxytocin to help bring on contractions - not what I wanted to be doing, but it worked) and soon, contractions started up strong - and closer together - but, still fairly bearable. After five or six contractions, she checked me again.  I was 10cm!!  I started to rotate between getting in and out of the tub.  Sometimes I would walk around our darkened bedroom, other times, get in the tub.  At some point, I decided to stay in the tub and after about a half hour of feeling like I wasn't getting anywhere, I felt a slight urge to push.  The next contraction brought on another small urge and subsequent contractions brought on huge urges - undeniable ones.  The kind that get you channeling your inner animal!  At some point I started to cry tears of joy. I was finally going to meet this little guy! After a handful of fast pushes, Colden arrived!  He was completely encased in his amniotic sac (You may have noticed that my water hadn't broke)!  A true rarity! Total active labor time (read, painful part) was three hours long! Not too bad. Actually, I was even a bit underwhelmed by the pain this time.  I kept wondering when the real pain was going to hit.  Only once, when I started to feel the "ring of fire" as his head came out, did I say I couldn't do it.  Matt quickly reminded me that I was doing it!

Colden stayed on my chest for most of the next hour!  At one point, Karin very gently sucked some mucus from his mouth and nose - with a small tube that she sucked on.  She does not believe in the aggressive suctioning that we typically see immediately after birth.  For close to a half hour we let the cord pulsate, giving him, what studies show to be, up to six months worth of iron reserves (and more - see video series here on delayed cord clamping)!  Amazing. We also let him kind of crawl his way to the breast and eventually latch on for his first feeding.  He's a good little nurser - just wish he'd open his mouth wider!!

After we clamped the cord, and fed him, he finally had his stats taken.  He weighed in at 6lbs 13oz and 19-inches long.  Nearly a full pound smaller than each of his sisters.  Some of his stats and health assessment were done right on Matt during a skin-to-skin session.  Karin has taught me that there is no need to take baby away from his mother and father to do stats and that it does not need to be done right away after birth - as in custom in American hospitals (both my girls were taken away for stats almost right away).

Seconds Old - I'm still being held up by a squat device

Because water really helps soften the skin/tissue, I only had one small abrasion and did not need any stitching up! Yay!!

After I had showered and was spending some time skin-to-skin with Colden, she brought over the placenta.  She showed me that he came right on time because his placenta was calcifying. He was 8-10 days early.  She explained that if I had went back for that follow-up on my "low-end-of-normal" amniotic fluid finding and continued to have that checked, the OB would have eventually found these calcifications and would have asked to induce me right at 40-weeks (In her opinion, not necessarily necessary). Colden would have came before then anyway, but, I would have been, once again, stressed out.

She also explained, after all was said and done, that in a hospital setting,  had I gotten to the hospital on Wednesday at 3cm dilated and stayed there, a labor that progressed as slowly as mine (it took 24 hours to go from 3cm to 6cm) would have been augmented by medicine at a hospital - or, at the very least, I would have been pressured to do that.  She said OBs (and hospital staff) will often explain that the body just "isn't doing it on it's own" - even though it can and will (sometimes with a little help from a very well-trained midwife like mine).  I am, therefore, grateful I walked away from the OB nearly three months ago and put my trust in my midwife!  Trusting the body's ability to know when it's time to deliver can be hard in today's society - I was certainly tested during this pregnancy!

A couple hours after Colden was born, the girls came back from our friend's house, met their little brother, showered him with kisses and went promptly to bed.  

Karin comes by the house for up to two visits a day for up to ten days. Now, that's service right there! She checks on the baby and I both.  So, right now, there is no need to go the pediatrician for any check-ups.  That will come next week or the week after.  Whenever we decide to leave the house.

As trusting in midwifery care, home birth and water birth can be difficult these days, I have to give great thanks to my husband who stood by my decisions to have the birth I wanted-a birth that was an empowering journey. I could not have did it with out him.

Now, I'm off to nurse our brand new, perfect baby boy!  I only wish he would stay this little!

My Prediction

Last night, a friend ask me what my prediction is for when this baby will come and how much he will weigh.

My prediction:

Date:       October 4, 2011
Time:      11:00am
Weight:   7lbs 15oz
Length:   20.5 inches

You may be thinking, "Wow, you think you'll be late?!"

No, I don't think I'll be late.  However, I have no real good idea as to when I got pregnant.  Ultrasound dates  have varied (I do understand that early ultrasounds are the most accurate and those dated me 30SEP).  The 3rd of October was actually one date that showed up on a later ultrasound. It is also, if I really think back, the latest possible due date based on when I think I could have conceived. So, I think I'll go one day longer than last time and I don't really think one day longer can really be considered overdue, especially since we never really know the actual date of conception unless we were undergoing fertility treatment.

Newborn Stash

This past weekend, I washed and dried my newborn cloth diaper stash. I thought I'd share with you what we're using for newborn diapering. Interestingly, many people who cloth diaper, do not do so the first few weeks or months. Especially first time parents. For whatever reason, they think it will be way too intimidating and they'll be too tired. Matt and I cloth diapered Olivia as soon as she got home from the hospital and I did the same with Lila.  In our experience cloth diapering is easier than using disposables (aka "sposies").  Why? Well, breastfed babies tend to have explosive bowel movements (BM).  They will explode out the best fitting Huggies, Pampers or Luvs.  Believe me, we know.  BM up their back, out the sides and even into the hair.  I've seen people on Facebook post that their newborn was on their "seventh outfit change of the day."  This does not happen with cloth.  They tend to be much more absorbent.  So, no, we are not "brave" starting out cloth diapering from day one.  It's actually easier. Those of you using sposies in those first few weeks (and continuously) are the brave ones, in my opinion. 

We have favorite newborn diapers and those are Kissaluvs. You use a Kissaluv, shown below, with a diaper wrap.  Kissaluvs are nice because they snap down in the front to leave room for the umbilical cord stub (and unsnap when no longer needed).  The trick to keeping all the BM in is to fold in the diaper at the legs.  Kissaluv's has tips on their webpage. They work like a charm!  No leaks. I swear by these. They fit newborns very nicely and are very soft.  Easy to wash and care for.  I don't like the absorbancy (lack thereof) in the sizes after newborn (more on that later). 

Kissaluv Size 0

Weehugger's Wrap - Use with a Kissaluv, Weehuggers own inserts or a prefold (pictured below)

Kissaluvs are a tad bit pricey and this time around, I only purchased a dozen.  Since I like to have around two dozen newborn cloth diapers, we purchased prefold diapers at around two dollars each from Green Mountain Diapers (I love Green Mountain Diapers because they sell only 100% cotton diapers - which I find to be the easiest to care for and wash - especially since we have very very hard water here in Germany and also did in Portugal. My synthetic diapers easily got build up and smelled).  Prefold diapers are what our mothers' and grandmothers' used. Except they are now easier to use.  In the picture below, you'll notice a prefold folded and inserted in a diaper wrap. That easy. 

Cloth diaper wrap with a prefold inserted

You can fold a prefold like grandma did and use a snappi (Sold at Green Mountain) to keep it together. Works great!  You then use the wrap pictured above or a nice wool wrap pictured below (we love wool for its breathability and sustainability - Green Moutntain also has a lot of information on why wool is great on their page).

Wool Wrap - soft, not scratchy

So that's it. What about washing? Well, you we use a cloth diaper-friendly wash such as Rocking Green, add a cold rinse to the beginning of your wash, then wash as you would your other clothing. If you feel need be, add a rinse at the end.  Breast milk BM washes out very easily.  You don't need to soak them in a wet pail. You just need to throw them in a pail lined with a pail liner (also see Green Mountain), and wash your diapers every other day. You turn the bag inside out so as not to touch any BM.  You can dry in the dryer, on the line, or a combination of both.

Get this.  My husband is actually the one who encouraged me to cloth diaper and doesn't mind it in the least.  He even does the laundry, and diaper changes.  His favorite cloth diaper? A prefold. He can fold a prefold on a baby and even a toddler in about five seconds.  He sees no need to spend any more money on all the other diapers now out there (All-in-Ones, All-in-twos, fitted (Kissaluvs are fitteds).  Probably most of this stems from the fact that if you used prefolds with some wraps from newborn until toilet training, you'd spend about $300-$500.  Yup. Two-three years of diapering for that little.  Diapering with disposables costs close to $3,000 per child. If you know my husband, you know how frugal he is. And, prefolds hold up through several children (unless you bleach them - you do NOT bleach diapers). So, had we used only prefolds for the girls and/or didn't get rid of all the diapers we've had in the past, and I didn't love me some fitteds and cute wraps, we could have cloth diapered all three children for well under $1,000.  And, no, doing an extra three loads of laundry a week is not going to jack up your electric and water bill.

Have we purchased an "emergency" stash of disposables?  No.  As of right now, we do not have a single disposable diaper in our house-nor do we plan on it.   I'll let you know how that goes...

Care to Make a Prediction?

I'm due in two and half weeks!  We are so excited!  I took a long walk this morning after I dropped the girls off at school.  I've been having some pretty intense braxton hicks ever since. The kind that send shooting pains down my legs even.  I know what the real thing feels like - this is not it (my body sure is practicing)!  In fact, I've been getting more braxton hicks since yesterday's acupuncture session with my midwife. My midwife also noticed that my uterus is firming up nicely - previously it was soft - which means I'm getting closer to the end....

So, it's time for people to start taking guesses as to when the baby will come and what his stats will be. I was thinking I'd send a gift or something "German" to whoever guessed the closest.  But, I don't know that I'll end up being that organized for a while after birth.  We'll see. I will, at the very least, give a shout out here on my blog to the winner.

Here are the girls stats:

Olivia - Born at 39 weeks, 4 days.  7lbs, 12oz., 19.5 inches long.

Lila Kate - Born on due date. 7lbs, 14 oz., 20 inches long.

Note: My midwife estimates my due date as 2OCT.  My OB estimates (by way of early ultrasound), 30SEP.  

So, if you're interested, place your guess as to when Colden will come in the comment section.

Did You Know?

Here's a little fast fact I learned last year when taking my Certified Lactation Counselor's course, a course accredited by the ANCC (American Nurses Credentialing Center):

It's a long standing practice in the US to give our newborns sponge baths until the umbilical cord stump has fallen off.  The fact of the matter is that you do not have to wait until the baby's umbilical cord stump to fall off before submerging him/her in water.  As long as you dry it properly after, it will be fine. Here is an article that sums it up: Caring for Your Baby's Umbilical Cord Stump and here is a discussion on the matter here.

This was brand new information for me last year. It took a bit to sink in because it's what we did with our two girls and what everyone I knew at the time did.  I recently asked my midwife what the practice is here and she replied that there was no practice. You bathe a baby as you usually would. In the bath with you, in a baby tub - whatever works.  She said that she suggests drying it with a hair drying after - but, that that wasn't really necessary either as long as it was dried thoroughly by a towel.  

So, if you're due to have a baby, go ahead and give him/her a proper bath as you please. 


Please Note: I believe that care for circumcised infants is different.  It is not something we are going to do, however, if you are, you would want to follow your doctor's advice.

Full Term...Or Not?

According to a couple of early ultrasounds, during which the OB measured the baby to come up with an accurate due date (As this baby was a surprise, I'm not entirely sure when I got pregnant), I am now full term!!!  I can see the end now!  This means I could go into labor any day, the baby is fully developed, etc. Phew, right?!

Here's the thing. Twice the baby dated September 30th.  An ultrasound or two later dated the baby either October 2nd or 3rd. The OB stuck with the 30th because earlier ultrasounds are the most accurate, apparently.  My midwife, however, goes by October 2nd.  When I did the math on when I thought I could have gotten pregnant, that was the latest due date I came up with.  So, she's using it.  Either way, it could be off a few days on either end.

A few days doesn't really matter, in the whole grand scheme of things...for everyone BUT the pregnant mama! Never before have I wanted a baby to hurry up already.  I'm being incredibly silly here.  Both girls were on time and since my body has done this before, it's fairly unlikely I'll be overdue and if I am, it probably won't be by too much.  Just last night, the baby moved out of his very long-standing posterior presentation and is now in a more optimal birthing position.  It happened that quickly.  Which means he is getting ready (though, as long as he is surrounded by plenty of amniotic fluid, he could still move from anterior back to posterior and then back again before labor and delivery). 

I don't know why I'm obsessing over a couple of days.  But, I want to believe that the 30th of September is the most accurate date. I don't want to wait until Sunday to say I'm full-term. So, I go by the OB's due date calculation despite knowing my midwife's calculation is probably a bit more accurate.

At any rate, on Sunday my midwife officially goes "on-call" for me.  She did say she'd deliver at home a day or two before her given due date, if need be. So, I'm, pretty much, in the clear.  On Tuesday, she brings over all the birthing supplies, including medications to keep in the refrigerator (which means I best clean out the fridge this weekend. I think there is a glass bowl containing three-week-old green beans somewhere in there and several maple syrup drips on the shelves).  It also means that at least a few baby outfits and all the cloth diapers must be washed and prepped and a back-up hospital bag packed.  Oh, and a bag for the girls - they may not stay at home for the birth.  It's kind of up in the air and will depend on when I go into labor, how long labor drags out and whether I want them there or not (You never know how you'll feel in labor)....Full term. Wow!!

Operation "Get Baby Out" Begins

Today, I had an appointment with my midwife. As always, she came to my home.  It was nice and quiet.  The house is cool now that Fall is setting in (my favorite season).  A stark contrast from the sticky, humid weather we were having that made my hair frizzy, my skin slimy and my patience more frazzled than usual.

I made myself comfortable on the couch.  She then inserted acupuncture needles on the side of each knee, half way down each leg and at each ankle.  In two weeks, she will add a needle to my pinky toe. She tells me this is to help harmonize my body.  Really, she is inserting needles into nerves and by doing that, it's supposed to help clear up any blockages or tension, etc. By the time I go into labor, my body is supposed to be in complete harmony and it can actually shorten the duration of labor.  I was in labor for six hours with Lila (Actually, 25-hours.  However, only six of it the active, "I think I'm going to die," rough part). Any minute less than that will be an improvement!

I think this type of acupuncture can be viewed a bit like chiropractic care.  Matt thinks it's quacky and it is his belief that it only works for people who think it will.  It's part of my midwife's service and included in health care costs. I'll take whatever I can get. Karin did tell me that sometimes the baby will get very active during the procedure and that he did. Almost right away. So, I think it did something.

I've been having more anxiety about my fluid levels as I know that my body is starting to absorb fluid starting about this time. For the 1,000 time, I asked Karin about it and finally told her just how worried I was about it.  She went into details as to how easily she can detect it and what she does in the event she notices it.  Since the baby is growing and she can feel a huge pocket of fluid on my left side, and the fact that he moved his head since she last saw me, she is not worried at this time (babies who are not surrounded by enough fluid do not grow, are very inactive, and definitely do not change positions until labor kicks off and the uterus helps out).  If she, at any time, notices low fluid, she will send me in for an ultrasound.  Here in Germany, there has to be two complications in order for induction to happen in relation to low fluid. As a general rule, even OBs will not induce if they see just low fluid.  They will induce if they see low fluid AND a failing placenta.  They will also induce if they see low fluid AND heart rate issues. Or, all three combined.  Low fluid alone is not an immediate indicator for induction.  That being said, it doesn't mean I would not be placed in hospital for constant monitoring until I went into labor on my own. That could be an option, especially given my anxiety issues. However, my midwife is not at all concerned.   I'm going to try to meet with a pre-birth doula (not to be confused with a birth doula) this week who specializes in relaxation techniques.  My midwife thinks she will teach me some breathing and relaxation methods that will really help me get through this. 

I do wonder, however, if my midwife went home, had a few glasses of wine, stuffed her face into a pillow and screamed bloody murder at the fact that she has a client so anxiety ridden!  The poor woman!!

So, I've finished the first round of acupuncture. This weekend I can start drinking a special tea blend, made at a local holistic pharmacy and recommended by midwife, that helps prepare the body for labor.  Operation "Get Baby Out" has begun! We're getting so excited to meet our little guy!

Surprise Shower

Local Friends

A few weeks ago I was visiting my friend, Nina.  After a couple hours at her house, she asked me to follow her in my car to an undisclosed location.  With suspicion, I followed.  As we pulled onto my street, I realized I was walking into a surprise shower. What a sweet surprise it was!

The whole thing was orchestrated by my mother.  I knew something would eventually happen as she had had me register for baby items. You must remember that Lila is soon to be five and Olivia is six.  Let's be realistic.  Unless you are sure you're going to have more children, most people get rid of all their baby stuff when their last child reaches toddlerhood.  That's exactly what we did last year.  At a pre-move garage sale, we sold many of our baby things including our crib, bouncer seat, many toys, a few books, and lots and lots of clothes.  I even gave away our cloth diapers.  My mother loves to throw a party and while some people deem it strange to throw a shower for a third baby, my family does not!  With a five year age gap and the fact that it's a boy (I do still have a small box of baby girl clothes - which I will keep for the next month - just in case "he" comes out a "she"), my mother began scheming.  

First she contacted Matt - who, in all  honesty, thought it strange and maybe even inappropriate to throw a shower for a third baby.  My mother does things like this for fun.  Did I really need help buying baby clothes and items? No.  However, it's so easy to feel detached living so far away from friends and family and this was one way to stay connected and feel loved.  So, she convinced Matt to help her throw a virtual baby shower.  She invited friends and family from back home while Matt rounded up friends from here in Germany.  Our American neighbor agreed to allow gifts be sent to her APO box.  She even wrapped the ones that came from the registry!  Not only that, Matt was to be away during the day of the shower so she and her husband kindly made food and set everything up in our home while I was at Nina's.  What a great friend!  Her task was not easy as I had left the house a mess - a sewing project thrown about the living and dining room!

The Computer (in back) was used to webcam family back home

My friend, Lynette, made the cake.

Nina came back from her holiday a bit early to help out!

I was so touched by all the love and support shown by my friends and family near and far.  My mom had arranged to Skype with some family and friends back home and we were successful at that.  My friend, Krista, traveled an hour and half from her home in Ansbach (Not including the time she spent in a traffic jam).  Nina was on vacation and even came back early to help out! True friends, indeed.

I received many things that I needed and it really help put a dent in the purchases I have had to make for him.

Many many thanks to all who participated and thought of me.  I love you all!

It Has Begun

Up until the past few days, I had been feeling very comfortable.  No body pillow needed to sleep, no swollen feet (except during the high heat and humidity we recently had - even Matt had to take off his wedding band), decent sleep (Okay, I have insomnia once or twice a week that is quite bad - but, I've had worse issues in pregnancies past - so, I've tried not to complain too much), no horrid stretch marks, the reflux hasn't even bothered me too badly.  It's been, pretty much, a breeze.  A bit tiring overall, but, not too much to complain about.

Until now.  I'm up at least seven times a night to use the bathroom.  Walking the girls to school is okay - but, by the time I walk home, I feel the baby so low, I'm either stopped in my tracks or wishing there was a bush to jump behind to relieve myself. My back hurts, my feet hurt, my hips hurt, my outer thighs and even my pubic bones ache. It has begun.  Baby is obviously heavier and, ever so slowly, baby and body are preparing for his entrance.

I'm just under two weeks away from full-term.  Until then, I'm just going to relax, read, and not get too excited.  Beginning next weekend, however, it'll be time to wash cloth diapers, linens, baby clothes, order final baby-things, and finalize the birth plan with my midwife (Not that there's much to it, as we're planning a home birth - but, a hospital back up plan will have to be put in place, numbers of friends handy in the event we need someone to take the girls during labor and delivery.


Oh, and then there's meal prep.  I plan on making and freezing bagels, muffins, and a couple dinner dishes. I'm going to have to stock up on a few things I don't usually - like spaghetti sauce (unless I make that in advance too - but, my freezer only holds so much), and (gasp) a few boxed meals (organic, if possible). My dear husband cannot cook to save his life. He needs help - so I will have to have a few things ready for him.

I was back to my normal self, almost entirely, within a few days after Lila's birth. I don't even remember being overly tired. After a few days of breastfeeding HELL (Seeing an infant spit up blood from your bloody nipples is always a bit frightening), breastfeeding went smoothly for the next 22-months.  But, that was then, this is now - and one can ever know how the labor, delivery and recovery will go....So, I best be prepared and best start soon...In the mean time, baby better stay in for a least a week - my midwife does not deliver babies at home prior to 37-weeks (and I wouldn't try it anyway)!

Summer in Germany Has Arrived

I'm sitting in my living room, a cold, wet wash cloth draped over my neck.  It's after 8:00pm and still around 87 degrees.  The girls have "stolen" our lone fan. As soon as I'm sure they are asleep, I'm taking it back.  For the past several days it's been in the high 80's and 90's. With humidity.  I'm 8.5 months pregnant and not taking kindly to this weather.  AC is nowhere to be found.  Not even in many of the local stores.

I feel like a wimp.  Some people probably think my Facebook updates about the weather are rather annoying.  But, seriously, I feel ill. I've taken two cold showers today.  I'm drinking coconut water  as it's supposed to be healthier for you than Gatorade, and replenish you with five essential electrolytes--potassium, magnesium, calcium, sodium, and phosphorous (Real Food athletes are now turning to coconut water instead of Gatorade).

It has been so humid here, my husband has had to take off his wedding ring, something he's never had to do in the past, because his fingers are swelling. I'm a little puffy. You can see it in my face and fingers. I had one day of ankle swelling last week and my midwife checked them a couple days later and said they were fine.  I can still see my ankle bone. So, I guess that's a good sign.  However, I know I must be retaining some water because my sandals are fitting a bit more tightly.  I've been swimming, taking baths, and drinking mineral water - all recommended by my midwife to keep down the swelling.  

My previous two pregnancies were in cool, dry Alaska. So, this is new for me.  I had a little bit of swelling with Olivia towards the very end and I don't remember very much with Lila. In fact, I gave birth to Lila wearing my wedding band.  My rings were removed a couple months ago, sadly, this time around.

Fortunately, the girls are back in school and I don't have to find ways to entertain them in this heat.  Today, however, we are hitting up the town pool as soon as they have an afternoon snack!  Must go get the bag for the pool packed and ready to go!!  I only wish I could sit in the shade and read a book while they swim - still too young for that...

Proverb

"Being pregnant and giving birth are like crossing a narrow bridge. People can accompany you to the bridge. They can greet you on the other side. But you walk that bridge alone." - African Proverb

As I begin to contemplate natural birth, just weeks away, this quote reached out to me.  I will have support to help me achieve and maintain inner strength and a calmness of mind.  But, it is I, alone, who will have to draw from somewhere deep inside of me to reach the other side.

The Boy's Name

We've been getting asked more and more frequently about the baby's name.  I've had a name picked out for years and years.  Matt, however, was on the fence.  It appears, however, we have finally agreed on the first name, at least.  His middle name is still up for debate and while I'll post what we think it may be, please bear in mind that you all won't know for sure until we announce his birth (So don't be surprised or upset if it changes-though, I do think it's pretty unlikely or I wouldn't be posting it now).  So here it is:

Colden Jack McQuilton

We've tossed around Colden Patrick (my pick).  Patrick is Matt's middle name.  He does not like his middle name - so that was tossed out the window.  Though, I do think it flows together a bit more nicely than Jack.  

So, where did these names come from?  Matt is an Adirondack 46'er.   In short, he's climbed all 46 high peaks of the Adirondacks in New York.  I don't think I'd be far off in saying that Matt would rather be in the Adirondack Mountains more than any other place on Earth.  

What does that have to do with our son's name?  Well, Mount Colden was the last of the 46 high peaks he climbed.  I've always thought naming his son Colden would be a nice way to commemorate this accomplishment.  Though, I think Matt would say that the 46 peaks haven't really been completed until he's climbed all 46 of them in the winter.  If we were ever stationed in Fort Drum, NY, surely, that would be his mission.  

Jack is a name Matt has always liked.  He really believes a boy should have a one-syllable, grunt-like name.  It's also the name of his favorite uncle who passed away some years ago.  

I've always believed a child should pick his own nickname when he so chooses.  So, while it would be easy for me say that we'll call him Cole or C.J. or Jack, we'll be careful to let him to decide...

Clinical Anxiety and Pregnancy

For many years, I've struggled with clinical anxiety.  I have worried needlessly over my health dozens of times. Fortunately, it didn't present itself in germaphobia or take over my life in any sort of debilitating way.  Nor do I have anxiety in any other areas.  I sure have gotten picked on a lot about my clinical anxiety - which is frustrating because so many people suffer from depression or other forms of anxiety, that I've never been able to understand what's so humorous about clinical anxiety.  At times, however, months and even years have gone by without me thinking too much about matters of my health.

Unfortunately, in 2009, I was diagnosed with meniere's disease.  This diagnosis told my already anxiety-ridden brain that there is reason to worry. Something bad could happen to me.  While my meniere's disease has been kept under good control and hasn't impacted my life in a debilitating way, I have been very clinically-sensitive ever since.

So, when the doctor doing my last ultrasound told me my amniotic fluid was low, I freaked out (see previous post-it actually wasn't low - which he explained to my midwife the following day).  Then, a couple weeks later, I got it in my mind that my baby was breech.  Even though a few days prior, my midwife had told me he was head down.  I thought for sure I felt him flip.  I felt a round, bony head up in my rib cage and, for sure, that had to be his head.  I kept asking myself why he would flip back up after being head down for over a month!!

So, I panicked and started looking things up (Yes, I know better). Breech babies are often breech for a reason and I started to worry something was wrong with him - even knowing that he had plenty of time to flip back around as I'm only 32-weeks pregnant.

So, what did I do? I called my midwife.  She agreed to come see me this past Friday, even though we have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday.  She quickly put my mind at ease.  He's most likely not breech, as she can hear his heartbeat down below my belly button and not up near where I thought his head was.  A baby's heart beat is heard up near the head and upper back.  She explained that since I still have eight weeks to go, what I'm feeling is a bony bottom. Up until about week 36-37, a bottom can feel almost exactly like a head because there isn't a lot of fat on it.  Also, when I would move that "head" back and forth, his whole body would move.  When you move a head back and forth, the whole body doesn't move. The head will give a little or he will kick.  A bottom, on the other hand, when moved, will in turn move the whole body.

She also reminded me that while she does not deliver breech infants, she has a friend who does and who would assist her. That is,  if the baby was breech at the end and I still wanted a home birth.  If I did not want to attempt a breech birth at home, a local hospital allows for breech vaginal delivery as they view breech as a variation of normal.  In the event of an emergency (i.e., baby got stuck), skilled OB surgeons would be on hand. So I have no need to worry about a breech presentation anyway!

I love that my midwife comes right to my home, when I need her.  There's no way I would get that kind of care anywhere else.  She is a little concerned about my anxiety, however, and is sending a doula who teaches  relaxation techniques my way.  Even though I feel calm now, you just never know when  relaxation techniques could come in handy! 

Musings of the Early Third Trimester

Cloth Diaper Wipe

First off, I have to say that this pregnancy has gone by very quickly, in retrospect.  When I was sick, early in the pregnancy, the days did seem to drag. However, since Spring hit, we've been so busy, and the weeks have flown by.  I'm feeling well, haven't gained more than 20-lbs, the acid reflux has been mild compared to my pregnancy with the girls (so far) and I am still am able to sleep comfortably. I am now in my third trimester, running quickly into week 29!

This past weekend, I took a sewing class on the military facility.  I had such fun and look forward to taking more classes.  Sewing doesn't come to me like recipes do. I'm the idiot in the class who needs someone to sit with her.  I'm very visual and hands on.  Give me a website or pattern, no matter how easy, and I just can't figure it out.  I know that will all come to me as I learn technique and vocabulary - but, until then, I will get frustrated.  I did, however, learn to make perfect squares.  The instructor kindly showed me how to make cloth napkins (we don't use paper napkins in our home and I had previously bought cloth napkins at Etsy.  However, they were pricey and look easy - so I inquired about making my own. In a 15-minute lesson, I caught on).  I promptly went to the fabric store and bought some flannel boyish fabric and am going to make all of our cloth diaper wipes.  The one you see above is the one Matt made with Olivia (Yes, my husband can sew and quite well).  I'm going to make them double-sided,with the red you see above on one side, and the striped white and blue on the other.

In other news:

Now that I'm in my third trimester, my midwife recommends I eat 100-grams of protein a day. Or, close to it. How is that possible, especially in this heat and humidity? Anyone tried it and succeeded? I have some whey protein (grass fed, organic, no artificial anything, etc.) powder that offers up 19 grams each serving. But, whew. I just can't eat that much every day. It's supposed to help the brain development of the baby and fluid retention in the mother, among other things. I think I'll aim for 75 and be happy with anything over that.

I had an ultrasound yesterday to see if the placenta had moved up as the uterus grew. It did. Not a lot, but out of the "danger zone." I knew it would move.  Matt was upset that I even got it checked because in something like 99.3% of the time, it's not a problem by the end of the pregnancy.  All it did was give the doctor another chance to find something else potentially wrong (because he's a genetic specialist and one of only two in the area - he's always looking for something, as per his job). Which he did.  He told me that my amniotic fluid was low and asked me to come back in three weeks.  I promptly called my midwife. She called him. Unfortunately, he does not speak English very well.  He should not have told me that my fluid levels were low (though, he did tell me that I had nothing to worry about as he walked out of the office - but, by not giving specifics and being vague, I still freaked the heck out). They are not low.  They are in the normal range - but on the lower end of normal.  Now, I don't know what the actual number is, but, it is possible that because I was so busy all weekend and probably only drank 8-10 glasses of fluids between Saturday and Monday morning, my fluid levels looked a bit lower than usual.  The more I drink, the more the baby pees, the more fluid is in there. Being more hydrated would have probably brought my fluid level measurements up only a nominal amount. But, even 2-3 points can put you in a higher category and ease the mind of an OB. Nonetheless, the doctor redid my 20-week check-up and everything looks fine. The biggest thing to watch out for, when fluid levels are lower than they'd like, is growth retardation. This was not the case with the baby. He's growing fine. His head is a bit narrow - but over-all head growth checks out fine.  His dad has quite a narrow head - so, it's probably just genetics. And, if I remember correctly, Lila's head was a bit small at some point on ultrasound. Don't be like me and Google, "Fetus+narrow head." 

So, what does this mean? Well, first off, fluid levels are something a midwife (or OB) can monitor without the use of an ultrasound.  Here's an example: You go in for a check up and the midwife pulls out her measuring tape and measures your belly.  You measure a little small.  So, she then palpates around, seeing if she can feel baby parts - which are very very easily felt when the fluid levels are low.  If this is the case, she'll send you in for an ultrasound to see what's going on.  This is how, in fact, low fluid levels are usually found (on top of fewer kick counts the mother may notice).  Most OB's in the States do not do an ultrasound at every appointment during pregnancy.  So, it's found by the tape and hands-on method. In Germany, or at least the clinic I went to before I started seeing my midwife, they do an ultrasound at every single appointment and find it that way instead.  Just different methods-but both just as good.

I don't know that I'll go in for another ultrasound.  I asked my midwife instead to start seeing me every two weeks (which wasn't supposed to start for six more weeks) so she can monitor his growth very carefully.  She is not concerned at all - but, agreed to do it.  If she starts to see growth retardation, she will send me in and we'll go from there.  Worst case scenario is that my fluid levels will drop dangerously low, retard his growth and he'll come early.  But, that's worst case and very very unlikely.  None the less, I now know how it feels to be scared into following every instruction your OB tells you.  Until this pregnancy, I had only seen an OB once or twice, with both girls combined. I've only ever known midwifery care - which is calm, cool and collected. They trust pregnancy and the birth process.  It's very refreshing and calming.  I've stayed away from OB's because I knew that they are very very conservative and control for every little thing they find.  This has been (one reason) what has led to our high rates of c-sections in the States and even here in Germany (just 1 or 2% lower than the US rates).  While I'm not against c-sections or interventions at all, I am against unnecessary ones.  I think there is a fine line that OB's cross all too often out of fear.  And, I question any doctor, OB or not, who practices out of fear.  So, I am taking extra precautions - just in case - but, I'm not going to go in every two weeks for an ultrasound to check fluids when I know it can be checked easily another way, in the comfort of my own home. 

On a side note, this is the second ultrasound in a row where he did not cooperate and we could not see boy parts.  This time, I freaked out and asked the doctor to go over the first ultrasound picture with me and point out the penis. Which he did. I then asked him, even though it looks like a penis to me, why he thought it was a penis and he explained, as best he could in his broken English. But, still, I'm a little nervous now! I shouldn't be because two doctors in a row told us it was a boy - but, oh, you know how it is. I'll be happy with a girl - I'm mostly concerned about all the boy stuff I now have. I think I'll save receipts - just in case!