Clinical Anxiety and Pregnancy

For many years, I've struggled with clinical anxiety.  I have worried needlessly over my health dozens of times. Fortunately, it didn't present itself in germaphobia or take over my life in any sort of debilitating way.  Nor do I have anxiety in any other areas.  I sure have gotten picked on a lot about my clinical anxiety - which is frustrating because so many people suffer from depression or other forms of anxiety, that I've never been able to understand what's so humorous about clinical anxiety.  At times, however, months and even years have gone by without me thinking too much about matters of my health.

Unfortunately, in 2009, I was diagnosed with meniere's disease.  This diagnosis told my already anxiety-ridden brain that there is reason to worry. Something bad could happen to me.  While my meniere's disease has been kept under good control and hasn't impacted my life in a debilitating way, I have been very clinically-sensitive ever since.

So, when the doctor doing my last ultrasound told me my amniotic fluid was low, I freaked out (see previous post-it actually wasn't low - which he explained to my midwife the following day).  Then, a couple weeks later, I got it in my mind that my baby was breech.  Even though a few days prior, my midwife had told me he was head down.  I thought for sure I felt him flip.  I felt a round, bony head up in my rib cage and, for sure, that had to be his head.  I kept asking myself why he would flip back up after being head down for over a month!!

So, I panicked and started looking things up (Yes, I know better). Breech babies are often breech for a reason and I started to worry something was wrong with him - even knowing that he had plenty of time to flip back around as I'm only 32-weeks pregnant.

So, what did I do? I called my midwife.  She agreed to come see me this past Friday, even though we have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday.  She quickly put my mind at ease.  He's most likely not breech, as she can hear his heartbeat down below my belly button and not up near where I thought his head was.  A baby's heart beat is heard up near the head and upper back.  She explained that since I still have eight weeks to go, what I'm feeling is a bony bottom. Up until about week 36-37, a bottom can feel almost exactly like a head because there isn't a lot of fat on it.  Also, when I would move that "head" back and forth, his whole body would move.  When you move a head back and forth, the whole body doesn't move. The head will give a little or he will kick.  A bottom, on the other hand, when moved, will in turn move the whole body.

She also reminded me that while she does not deliver breech infants, she has a friend who does and who would assist her. That is,  if the baby was breech at the end and I still wanted a home birth.  If I did not want to attempt a breech birth at home, a local hospital allows for breech vaginal delivery as they view breech as a variation of normal.  In the event of an emergency (i.e., baby got stuck), skilled OB surgeons would be on hand. So I have no need to worry about a breech presentation anyway!

I love that my midwife comes right to my home, when I need her.  There's no way I would get that kind of care anywhere else.  She is a little concerned about my anxiety, however, and is sending a doula who teaches  relaxation techniques my way.  Even though I feel calm now, you just never know when  relaxation techniques could come in handy!