Circumcision Regrets and Mommy Bashing

Long before Colden came into our lives, I was at a playgroup with my girls. Two moms were talking about a mom who didn't it make it that day. What I heard goes something like this:

"I can't believe she didn't circumcise her son. He's going to be so dirty. I bet he'll get infections. It's just so gross. I mean, how does she keep it clean? He's going to get picked on by all the boys in the locker room. He doesn't look like his dad. How cruel. I just couldn't subject my son to such a mess."

Having only girls, I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to come to this mother's defense. I was shocked that misinformation can bring out such cruel talk amongst mothers.  Would anyone listen to what I had learned when I worked for a urologist during college? Without personal experience on the subject, would they brush me off? I don't remember what I said, exactly. Aside from saying something about having lived in Europe and learning that most European men are not circumcised - so problems must, actually, be really rare - I kept tight-lipped.

A long while later, I found out I was expecting a boy. I knew immediately I would not allow him to be circumcised. It wasn't easy convincing my husband. In the end, body integrity is what won him over. He decided it would not be right to permanently alter his son's body without his spoken permission - something a newborn baby can not do.

During my year working for a urologist, I had learned that circumcision was not necessary. Here are some of things I came across (and sometimes even discussed with the doctor for clarification and better explanation) as I typed up dictations in between my college classes:

• Male UVM college student complains of pain during sex. Diagnosis - too much skin was taken off during his infant circumcision. Erections are tight and painful. Pain aside, to the untrained eye, his penis looks perfectly "normal." His parents likely never had a clue that their decision would later ruin his sex life.  
• 1 in 5 UVM college students has or has had an STD. Rates of circumcision at that time among male college students was just over 80%. Circumcision played no part in preventing STDs. 
• Erectile dysfunction is more common in older circumcised men than in older men not circumcised. This is because the foreskin is meant to protect the head of the penis. When the foreskin is gone, the body builds a protective layer over it. Over time, the skin becomes thicker and thicker. By the time a man is elderly, he may not be able to have the ability to feel as well as well as he could in the past - though some men suffer from lack of sensation much much earlier than this. Men who need excessive thrusting in order to climax are often experiencing decreased sensation due to their infant circumcision. 

What did I learn during my pregnancy with Colden:

• Studies showing intact infants having higher rates of UTIs were not controlled for breastfeeding. Breastfed infants rarely have issues with UTIs. UTIs can be treated with antibiotics. Baby girls have higher rates of UTIs than intact or circumcised males. 
• 100 babies die each year due to complications of circ.
• Blood cortisol levels, whether a baby cries or not (not crying during circumcision usually means baby is in shock), rise during the procedure and can stay high for several hours or even days.
• America is the only country routinely performing neonatal circumcision. Religious reasons aside, no other country in the world performs circumcision on a routine basis. The UK and Canada routinely circ'd in the past, however, the UK stopped the practice in the 50's and Canadian rates are now down to 20%.  China, the most heavily populated country in the world, has a 0% circumcision rate. 
• Clean what is seen. That is it. There is no special care for the intact penis. You wash it like you would a finger. 
• As long as boy is not retracted forcibly (something uninformed parents and even some medical professionals think is necessary - but is not. A medical provider can even be sued for retracting a penis. The penis will naturally retract on its own when the boy does it - usually during puberty) he should have no issue with his penis. 

What about the "locker room" and "must look like dad argument." Well, let's look at it like this. Lila's birth aside, my mother has not seen my vulva since I began showering on my own. Probably around the age of 9 or 10. I assume this also applies to most men - as soon as they were showering on their own, their father probably never saw their penis again. We do not sit around comparing penises and vaginas. We do not, as a general rule, go to naked spas (as the German do, for example). It's likely your son will never even remember what his father's penis looks like. And, don't we know how to speak to our sons? Can't we tell them, if they ask, that daddy was circ'd because it was routine at the time and now we know it isn't necessary. How hard is that? My husband is a bit irked that Colden has dark brown eyes instead of blue. He has blonde hair. Why aren't his eyes blue? He will see his son's brown eyes and be reminded of this the rest of his life. He will not, likely, see his son's penis ever again in a few more years.

If your son is being picked on in the locker room, a couple things are going on. For one, if someone is picking on his penis, he's probably being picked on for other things too. Bullying is no longer allowed in schools.  I also hope we try hard to raise self-confident boys who can stand up for themselves and also have a good self-body image. Finally, rates of circumcision in America are rapidly dropping. In some States rates are only about 30%. The last few playgroups I have attended, more boys were intact than circ'd (I found this out through open discussion or naked toddlers running around during diaper changes, etc).  My son will not be the only boy in his gym class to not be circ'd. I'm sure of that. A few moms and friends have admitted that they made a mistake, will later apologize to their son and not circ future sons.

When we know better, we do better. 

So, do I regret not circumcising Colden? Has he suffered from infections? Is he dirty and smelly? No to all. In fact, every day I am proud that I respected his human right to body integrity. His body, his choice. His body does not belong to my husband or I. End of story.

If you'd like more information on circumcision, this university lecture is very informative and non-bashing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ceht-3xu84I

The Whole Network is also a great resource. You can even email them questions and they will send you evidence based information and resources: http://www.thewholenetwork.org/