You Get What You Get and You Don't Get Upset...Or Do You?

I've been stewing for a couple of days now.  I walked out of my doctor's appointment on Thursday feeling elated. It finally looked like we were going to have a boy.

I came home, blogged about it and sent off a few messages. By the end of the day, no less than two friends had emailed me links to "nub" theory. I'm not really going to get into detail about it here. You can Google it. Basically, I was reminded that a labia and boy parts look so much alike at this point, I was crazy to believe the 80% chance of boy my doctor gave me.

I had already heard something about "nub" theory. That's why I asked her a few times if she was seeing swollen labia/undeveloped girl parts. It's also why I asked her if she was looking at the umbilical cord. If any of my readers were there with me, you would have asked me to shut up and let her do her job. I had her looking at genitalia no less than three times because of what I knew. So, I thought, "Well, she does ultrasounds up to a dozen times a day. Probably for an upwards of ten years. I asked the right questions. She'd be cruel to give me that high of a chance if she didn't see something very boyish" and I walked away happy as a lark.

I would have liked to live in my fairytale world for a while. While I'm not mad at my friends, I am disappointed (however well-meaning) the links were sent to me. I've looked them over and looked them over and looked over other sites and am now mad at my OB. At the time, it looked so clear. Legs closed with a bulge hanging down in between. A small sac. After looking at the website pictures, I have no idea what I saw or what the heck she was looking at that has her almost convinced it's a boy. It was unprofessional for her to give me any percentage at all. She could have said something like, "Well, I think I may see boy parts - but, it's so early, I'm keeping it at 50-50%, I'm sorry."  Better yet, she could have thought to herself that she saw boy parts, but told me it was too early.

Here's the thing though. I already love the baby growing inside of me. Boy or girl, it doesn't matter. Not in the end. I hate it when people imply I won't love another little girl. Of course I will. I cried for nearly two weeks, almost all day, every day, when I found out Lila was a girl.  Slowly, I came around, pulled out all Liv's infant clothes and moved on. When I held her in my arms for the first time, I forgot all about wanting a boy. I loved her instantly and realized I had loved her all along.

So, will I be heartbroken if this is another girl? Yes, I will. So will Matt. For a little while, at least. Then, we will move on. We will love our little girl and so will her sisters. That's life. What a journey it is!