When Breastfeeding Sucks

This is a little bit of a difficult post because as a lactation counselor, I feel as if I should not be in this situation.  I should be a pro-nurser at this point.  I nursed two other children into toddlerhood with relatively few problems.

This story, however, begins with Lila.  We had a latch problem for three or four days after she was born.  Before I even left the hospital, however, I had contacted an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Counselor) and she paid a visit to my home just after I arrived home from the hospital.  The latch was corrected that day. Lila was, interestingly, a projectile puker and had explosive bowel movements.  She also gained weight at a rapid rate for the first several weeks.  All signs pointed to an over-supply of milk (I didn't know this at the time).  Over-supply gets worse with each subsequent child.  So....flash forward five years and here I am.

I have an over-supply.  I suspected it in the beginning and suspected that Colden thought he may drown in milk when, at nine-days-old, he started clicking. Which was, essentially, his way of sliding off the latch and pinching down on the nipple to slow the flow.  This is not comfortable. I block nursed (nursed on one side for two-three feedings in a row-which helps reduce the amount of milk, speed of flow, etc) and nursed him upright.  It didn't seem to work. I would often find him gagging at the breast. Further, an hour or two after I fed him, he would again gag and milk would come out his nose, resulting in crying.   He recently stopped spraying milk out his nose and also stopped gagging as much.  I spent one day several weeks ago pulling him off the latch every single time he clicked. It didn't work but I assumed he would grow out of it. I tried to relax and accept the journey we were on together.

Then, it looked like we had thrush. Probably brought on by cracked nipples in the first few days of nursing (that is better and has been for weeks). So, we treated that and I think it is better - but the discomfort continued. The latch has not improved much.

My midwife thought maybe he had high muscle tone.  My college advisers (Remember, I'm going to school for lactation counseling) thought maybe he needed a speech consult.  A La Leche Leader, who is also an MD, took one look at him, heard his happy noises at the breast, his full cheeks and decided he would probably grow out of it but, nonetheless, gave me some facial massages to try out that would encourage better sucking/tongue thrust. Lots of advice!

Which brings us to yesterday.  I drove an hour away to see an IBCLC to access his latch (I'd been putting off this visit due to the long drive and girls school schedules) and to see if he needed a speech consult. IBCLCs are experts in the field and Donna has been at it a great many years and came highly recommended.  She told me what I suspected was most likely true.  I have an over-supply and while it may be a bit better, he's still scared he's going to drown.  She wants me to block nurse again, pull him much much tighter into the breast than I was, and spend, what she thinks will be, two-three days fixing the latch.  Getting him deeper on the latch and by block nursing, slowing the flow.  Every time I feel pain, pull him off and relatch him. Hard work.

So, yesterday afternoon I began.  I have my work cut out for me.  He's been doing this for so long, I suspect it will take the full three days or longer.  He's very stubborn and very happy to be doing what he's been doing. Today, in frustration and pressed for time (the girls had to get ready for school), I gave up earlier than I usually would have. I pulled him off and he just looked at me, smiled and began to coo and look at his hands. Little snot! He's such a smart little guy but can't nurse properly. I feel incompetent because I feel as if I should KNOW what to do.  I've nursed successfully before, have training behind me and I still can't get him latched on properly.  He'll be nine-weeks tomorrow.  According to breastfeeding experts, if a latch isn't fixed by three-four months, that's the latch you'll have the entire time you nurse. Ouch!!   

This does not mean I'll give up nursing or start pumping and give him a bottle.  It is what it is and I have good support and tools to move forward and work on this, thankfully.  I'm cautiously optimistic - but, boy oh boy, do I miss the comfortable nursing days of past and look forward to enjoying that time with my little man!  I will conquer this!!

Heavy Wetter

A while back I blogged about my newborn cloth diaper stash. I raved about Kissaluvs.  They were the perfect newborn cloth diaper for my newborn daughters.  My husband and I loved them. We decided to purchase them for Colden.

Unfortunately, Colden is what cloth diapering parents call "a heavy wetter."  All he has to do is pee once and he's soaked right through these.  I don't remember this being a problem with the girls.  I sold them this week, sadly, as they still fit him nicely and I do love the fit.  They did work well the first month - so all was not lost on them! Now that he's a bit older, they weren't cutting it, however.

We're still big fans of prefold diapers.  They are probably my favorites because they absorb so well and are 100% cotton which is soft and washes easily.  I ordered some flat cloth diapers for our trip back to the States next month. They wash very easily and dry very quickly. They also pack light and one size fits through toddlerhood.  They take a bit more time to fold but I'm sure I'll get the hang of them quickly. I hear great things about them. I'll keep you posted.

There are a couple of other diapers I like a lot and some I'm waiting for him to grow into to try out.  So, I'll update in the near future as to what diapers we're using from three months and up.

Wear Him! That'll Shut Him Up!

Baby-wearing at a German Festival

Soon after Olivia was born, I began baby-wearing. There are many benefits to baby-wearing (for parent and baby/toddler) that appealed to me. Hands free to do some laundry, walk the dog (when we had one), clean, eat, run after older siblings, keep the baby upright to help with mild reflux, and give my baby some "tummy time" (baby-wearing can be substituted for tummy time), to name a few.  I continue to learn about the benefits of baby-wearing all the time.  

Shortly after Olivia was born, I started baby-wearing with a ring sling.  Eventually, the sling started to bother my shoulders.  So, my friend, Jae Rin, introduced me to the Ergo Baby Carrier. I wore Olivia in the Ergo often until very late in my pregnancy with Lila.  However, I didn't really get into baby-wearing until Lila was born.  I wore Lila so often, the Ergo was soon dubbed Lila's "second womb."  I still remember a time when Lila was three.  We were walking past the T-Rex Restaurant at a shopping plaza Kansas.  Lila, frightened of the dinosaurs, started screaming in fright and yelled to Matt (who had the Ergo wrapped around his waist), "Get me in! Get me in! Get me in!" Matt promptly lifted her up and into the Ergo, her little legs kicking as he did so, as if to help propel herself up and in faster. If someone would use the Ergo to see if she and her child liked it, Lila would scream, "My Ergo. My Ergo!" Nontheless, she was "worn" (carried) in the Ergo until she was nearly four-and-a-half!

Matt and I have traveled all over Europe stroller-free.  We threw the girls on our backs and explored ancient ruins, castles, beaches, and more while our children enjoyed the warmth and comfort of being carried on our backs'.  We have a jogging stroller and umbrella stroller that we have yet to use since Colden's arrival.

Didymos Wrap

This time around, during the newborn phase, I have used the Moby Wrap and a Didymos woven wrap.  I enjoyed the Moby, however, it's a little too stretchy for my liking and a bit too warm.  I was sweating my butt off every time I wrapped Colden.  So, I recently took a trip to the original Didymos store with my mother and bought the above wrap.  It is a cotton woven wrap.  I LOVE it.  It's so much cooler and I get a tighter fit. As he gets older, I will be able to wrap him many different ways. Now that I'm getting the hang of wraps, I want more!  I'd love a wrap from Ellevill.  I want a solid color wrap next or a fabric that looks like a really nice top.  A wrap that would look good on me when I'm a bit more dressed up than in jeans (or sweatpants) and t-shirt of late. Certain wraps can make you look so stylish - no need for buying lots of clothes post-partum (Especially when you're trying to lose that baby weight) clothes when you have a really pretty wrap and are wearing your baby a few (to several) hours a day as I've been doing.

Colden really enjoys being worn.  I have a saying now, "Wear him! That'll shut him up!"

When he's cranky and tired or we're running errands, I wrap him.  He usually falls promptly asleep. He's getting so used to being worn that as I'm putting him in it, if he's been crying, he'll begin to stop as soon as he senses he's getting put into the wrap.

I love it too. Sometimes he'll be in the swing and I'll start to miss him.  Or, I'll feel suddenly that I haven't given him enough attention and feel the need to have him close to me. It's great for walking the girls to school or running errands with them around town.  He stays warm against me and because he's so close to me, I don't have strangers or the girls' classmates touching him.

Even Matt wears the baby (In the Ergo-which Colden doesn't really fit into yet because I don't have the newborn pillow insert.  Froggy legged, however, he can spend a small amount of time in there).  He recently wore Colden while brewing a batch of beer.  Teaching him young...

Like Matt, I am a soft structured carrier fan (Ergo is soft structured).  As Colden gets older, the Ergo will be my first choice when I have to very quickly run into a store, especially in the winter, and don't want to take the time to tie the wrap (It takes a good two minutes for me. I can throw a baby in the Ergo in 30-seconds or less). However, there are a couple of other soft structured carriers I'm interested in.  A Beco and a Kindercarry. 

While each of the carriers I've written about are fantastic, they can add up to big bucks.  So, as much as I've wanted to dive in and buy more wraps and soft structured carriers, I've refrained.  For now.  I am so addicted to baby-wearing, I'm sure the Ergo, Moby and Didymos are not the last baby-wearing devices to enter into my (our) collection...

Taggie Tales

Currently Underwhelmed by Tag Blanket

I don't really remember exactly when or how the tale of the Taggie began.  I believe I was looking for something Olivia could use to sooth herself back to sleep instead of waking me up in the middle of every night.  Our pediatrician suggested a soft stuffed toy or blanket.  She explained that if I nursed Olivia with that "lovey," she may associate it with something that is soothing and learn to use it to fall asleep at night, instead of crying for me to nurse her.  Or, at least reduce the amount of times she was up asking for me (Which wasn't very often - maybe twice a night - but, I was young and thought twice was too often). She explained that it would take a while to "work" but that it could certainly help.  

Olivia is thrilled Colden now has a tag blanket - she's still obsessed with hers. 

Colden, "What the heck is the big deal? I don't care!!!! Waaa"

My friend, Joy, many months earlier, when I was pregnant with Olivia, told me a story of how her daughter had a small blanket called a Taggie.  She explained that her daughter loved Taggie.  Even though she had bought her other Taggies, she only wanted her original one, despite it becoming shabby looking over time.

So, at a craft bazaar a couple months before I delivered Olivia, Matt and I bought a hand-made replica of the so-called Taggie.   When our pediatrician suggested nursing with something she could grow attached to, I held it each time I fed Olivia. Soon, she had that thing in her hand as often as a kid addicted to a pacifier!  We flew home in December of 2005 and lost it on a plane.  I remember running to our next flight and having the stewardess call to our previous plane, the one we were on just a few minutes before, and it was already gone.  Cleaning crew threw it out (Why would anyone throw out something that is obviously a child's lovey? Why don't people think?).  I was devastated. How would she sleep without it?  And, that poor child, not quite yet a year, knew it was gone.   I quickly found a store that carried Taggie and bought Taggie #2 (it looked very similar to her knock-off Taggie).   I loved that thing. It worked wonders.  It was a band-aid, it helped her sleep, heck, she probably considered it a friend.

When I was pregnant with Lila, I bought two for her - and had her name embroidered on them (We call the second one, "back-up Taggie.").  She has yet to lose either of hers.  She is a bit less enamored than Olivia is - but still sleeps with hers every night - almost every night since birth.

Olivia, however, lost Taggie #2 in a German Home Depot last year.  It was tragic.  Given that she was five and a half at the time, Matt suggested we just wean her from it.  I couldn't handle that.  I was a wreck. I lost sleep.  She was a hysterical. She cried every day until Taggie #3 came in the mail. Identical, yet cleaner, than Taggie #2.  She had me washing Taggie #3 as often as possible for weeks (She wanted it to look beat up like Taggie #2 as soon as possible).  At first, because she complained that it didn't smell like Taggie #2, I thought she would wean from Taggie.  I was wrong.  It wasn't too long before she was grabbing for Taggie and putting it up to her face when she was tired. Often, I will walk into her room when she's sleeping and there is Taggie, either in her hand or tucked up under nose.

Both girls have traveled all over the world with their Taggies.  If I were to go through pictures, we  probably have pictures of the girls' with their Taggies in several states and several countries.

Of course Colden had to have some sort of tag blanket!!  I've become an Etsy addict and as soon as he was born, I found a seller and purchased the one you see above (it's twice the size as the girls when it's unfolded. I didn't pay attention to the dimensions when I placed the order.  But, that's ok), along with a bigger, matching blanket.  I had his name embroidered on both in bright orange letters.  He has quite an unusual name, therefore, they are sure not to be stolen (right?).  Though, I wouldn't put it past some idiot to find it somewhere (while we are frantically looking), think it's "trash" and throw it out. But, we won't let his tag blanket leave the house now will we.....

Weighter Things

Colden is just about one-month-old.  During the first two weeks after his birth, the weight fell off. Up to a pound a day. I was ecstatic. I thought, "Wow, I'll be down to my pre-pregnancy size in no time. This is going to be easy."

I was even able to squeeze my engagement ring and wedding ring on (Matt and I have an agreement that he would never ever pay to re-size my rings unless I got back down to pre-pregnancy weight and the rings still wouldn't fit), though I'm only comfortable wearing my wedding band at this time. 

Then, it stopped. As in, I haven't lost an ounce in two weeks.  It's over. I will not lose any more weight without trying hard.  From past experience, I know that my body likes to hang onto weight while I'm breastfeeding (This is atypical, by the way).  I intend to breastfeed for at least two years.  There were times when I was nursing Lila that I worked out hard, watched what I ate and it still didn't come off.  When she weaned, however, the remaining weight fell off in just a few months. Like magic.  Well, I'll admit I had finally purged processed food and was doing a lot of weight training to heal a knee injury - but, I wasn't working my butt off, that's for sure.

While I didn't suffer any birth injuries, my pelvic floor is still too weak to be doing any real exercising.  That will have to wait a couple more weeks.  I stare in the mirror at my double chin and just want to cry. Why oh why can't I be like so many of my friends who just drop the weight like magic after birth? Why not me?  I have nothing to wear, yet I refuse to buy new clothes. Refuse.  Maternity jeans and shirts I wore when I was last nursing will have to suffice for now.

I may have to take drastic measures.  I may, next week, cut out grains and sugar for two weeks. I've done it in the past and dropped seven pounds in one week. My body despises grains and sugar and loves protein.  I know what I have to do and before deep winter sets in and I find myself depressed from lack of sun and wanting to drown myself in comfort food, I better get started.  I've been having a meniere's flare up anyway, off and on for weeks, so it's a good time (getting rid of grains and sugar has helped the meniere's in the past).

I know it's only been four-weeks since Colden's birth and you may read this and think, "What? Relax, be patient."

However, I haven't lost anything in two weeks.  Don't tell me I look great or make excuses for me. It's time.  The "I just had a baby" excuse is rapidly coming to an end, I'm afraid...

Sibling Love, Let-Down, and Rash

The Siblings

Colden is just over two-weeks-old.  Olivia is completely enamored by her brother.  She's been obsessed with babies (dolls) since she was about 15-months-old.  So, this didn't come as a complete surprise. She expects him to join Lila and her as they are read to every night and gets up and comes right into our bedroom in the morning to see him.  She's always a little annoyed if he's nursing and she can't hold him right away.  Lila is a bit less enamored, possibly now well aware that she is no longer the baby.  Both girls have been acting out a bit more than usual - but, this is to be expected.

I'm happy to be raising my children to view natural childbirth, baby-wearing and breastfeeding as normal.  I see them play those things out when they play dolls together.  Colden is a loud nurser.  I have a forceful let-down and a bit of an over-supply of milk.  Despite nursing him in an upright position and block nursing to help lessen these issues, he still clicks loudly at the breast from time to time to help control the amount that he takes in.  Sometimes I take him off and start again and other times I'll let it go.  Olivia, however, is starting to understand the importance of a good latch (even though he's clicking, his latch is not terrible and I am no longer sore) and will ask, "Hey mom, does he have a good latch right now?" She will never know a different infant feeding method and is already getting to know the terms and know-how of breastfeeding.

Liv is in love with this little guy

I was dismayed, early last week, when I noticed that Colden had developed a bit of a rash on his bottom.  He had been in cloth diapers almost solely since birth, only being in a sposie twice as we waited for cloth diapers to dry.  I thought for sure the cloth diapers were giving him a rash.  I bought some great Welda diaper rash cream (the German formula is different than the US formula, I discovered, so I won't provide a link here) and put him in sposies for a couple of days (I had forgotten to buy rice liners for our cloth diapers which are needed if you use rash cream.  Thick rash creams do not wash out of cloth diapers well and cause build-up and repelling issues).  The rash mostly cleared up and I put him back in cloth and, to my delight, just using coconut oil cleared up the rest.  I did order a rash stick that is cloth-diaper friendly, some rice liners and fleece liners (Fleece is used to wick away moisture-great for young babies, not so great when toilet training) just in case the issue pops up again.  I also added an extra rinse to our cloth diaper wash (cloth diapers not thoroughly rinsed of detergent can cause rash).

Colden sleeps for about three hour stretches at night.  Last night he slept for four hours, ate, and slept nearly four hours again.  So, he was only up once.  Score!! Though, I still woke up exhausted and I can only contribute this to a meneire's disease flare up.  I'm trying not to let it get me down. Usually, I can figure out what contributed to a flare-up. Stress, exhaustion, illness, weather.  I think this could be contributed to the fluid changes that happen to the body in the post-partum phase.  I'm trying to stay positive and ignore it.  Not so easy when you notice hearing loss and a constant roaring noise. But, I will prevail! There is too much joy in my life right now to let much of anything bring me down.

At the end of the week, we welcome my parents!!  The girls are so excited and it'll be nice to have a bit more help as Matt goes back to work tomorrow.

Don't Pinch Me

Perfection

Colden is nearly two weeks now.  I wake up every day in a dream-like state.  I have two beautiful daughters and a healthy newborn son.  Our family is complete (The feelings that come along with that knowledge warrant a separate blog post).  My husband has been a wonderful help around the house and with the girls.  He has spent his paternity leave catering to all of our needs and really hasn't had much chance to have time to himself. Friends have delivered food.  Colden has only had one day of crankiness.  He nurses 2-3 times a night and does so fairly quickly (He seems to understand that mommy likes efficiency!).  My parents are coming in less than two weeks.  In case this is a dream, don't pinch me! I don't want to wake up!

Ok. I confess. We did have serious issues with his latch.  Certified Lactation Counselors are not exempt from latch issues.  I wish we were.  Even though he nursed perfectly during the first hour after birth, I could not duplicate that latch.  I was sore and torn up for days.  I'm still a tad sore - but, over the hump and healing nicely.  He's still clicking a bit - but knows to open his mouth wide for me and, therefore, we're on the road to nursing perfection (Nursing perfection has a different feel for every mama, I must add). 

I also should confess that several days before Colden was born, I found out I was Group Strep B positive (GBS).  I dragged my butt deciding how or if to treat it during labor.  My options were as follows:

• Bail on the home birth and have a hospital birth with IV antibiotics upon arrival at hospital and every few hours thereafter until baby is born. This would have been the recommendation of most OBs in the US.
• Less effective - Birth at home and take oral antibiotics at beginning of labor and every few hours thereafter. I must be in labor for eight hours for them to be effective at all.  Birth at home.
• Birth at home and treat Colden with an injection of penicillin shortly after birth.  This would require a visit to a peds clinic.
• Do nothing at all.

After a long discussion with my midwife, I discovered the actual risk of serious illness and death is very small.  As a general rule, German OBs and midwives do not even test for it.  This is a huge cultural difference as we always test in the US (Many home birthing midwives aside).  My midwife could not tell me what to do.  All she could do was tell me that most of her patients do not treat GBS and she's never had an issue. She recommended I speak to a German pediatrician whom many of her patients see.  He would reassure me that it was okay not treat.  I went into labor over a week early, before I had a chance to talk to him.  In the midst of labor and all that happened, I forgot about GBS.  Colden was born in his amniotic sac and, therefore, protected from GBS.  The GBS in the water, after his sac had been broken, was very diluted.  We checked for signs of fever/infection for several days.  After three days, Karin told us he was out of serious danger.  He is now past any danger at all.

Colden also had a bit of jaundice.  Again, he recovered nicely and my midwife walked us through what to watch for and we were never worried.  We just took him outside in indirect sunlight and I made sure he nursed often.

He passed his PKU and hearing test.  We did not give him a Hepatitis B vaccine (Yet-we will when he's a bit older). We also did not use any drops/salve in his eyes after birth.  We are using vitamin K drops daily for three months instead of the normal shot given at birth. He lost 3% of weight after birth and is already back up to his birth weight.  We've only had to take him to the peds clinic on post once and that was only to get him into the military health care system so we could fill out paperwork needed for our upcoming move this winter.  My midwife is a Tricare approved provider and comes every day after birth to check on mom and baby for 7-10 days and then once a week thereafter for several weeks.  These visits include weight checks.  I find it funny that when the peds clinic called me to schedule a 2-week weight check appointment, and I told them I was getting it done at home with my midwife, the nurse said, "I'll put down in your chart that you rejected the two-week well-baby appointment."  No, I did not. I just got it done by another provider.  However, home birth is something I started up here for the American community.  It's very new to the providers on post and there is bound to be a learning curve all across the board. 

People ask how he's been sleeping. He's been sleeping fairly well.  Long stretches at night (Thank you, Matt, for passing along great sleep genes).  He is a bit of a mama's boy.  Sometimes, it is only I who can sooth him.  As soon as he's placed in my arms, he quiet downs.  I love that.  I know, eventually, my little boy may not like my hugs and kisses quite so much.  So, I shower him with them as often as I can!  He's very content in my Moby wrap and often sleeps for a few hours at a time in it. 

So far, life with a newborn has been easy peasy.  That being said, I must also confess that I'm a baby-mama. I love babies.  They do not really stress me out.  Not even the fatigue that comes along with it.  I disagree with toddlers and first graders.  That's why I keep another blog just for that purpose (I'm aware it is in need of an update)....